TURNING POINT: The Imperative of Mourning in Reconciliation

NAAWAN, Misamis Oriental (MindaNews / 24 Aug) – The immediate amicable settlement of disputes and conflict is encouraged to avoid emotionally draining and expensive court litigations.
 
At the community level, the Barangay Lupong Tagapamayapa is tasked to settle disputants in amicable manner.
 
In some Christian churches, a unit is mandated to resolve issues among members amicably as possible.
 
Already, some courts in the country have a pre-trial settlement unit that works for the resolution of some cases in amicable manner to avoid clogging the judicial system. This is often done by mediation, a process that aims at the reconciliation of the parties. It is only when the mediation effort fails that the case is officially accepted for a hearing.
 
Reconciliation is about restoring broken relationships. Reconciliation is reconnection – to reconnect the parties in a broken relationship; to close the chasm that divides them and make them one and be part of the whole again.
 
In reconnecting with someone we have wronged, it’s helpful to adopt the template in our reconnection with God, the exercise we regularly do every Sunday when we go to the act of confession, where we open up; unload our wrongdoings to Him; admit to Him meekly our every shameful act without justifying; and with contrition ask His forgiveness, and pledge never to repeat committing the same misdeeds.
 
God answers sincere and remorseful petitions for forgiveness by uprooting from the petitioner’s heart shame, anger, hatred and vindictive desires; and clears his mind of anxious thoughts, doubts, worries and apprehensions. Unburdened of the guilt of his misdeeds, he can now lightly move on.
 
An insincere and unrepentant petitioner who simply pays lip service to the reconciliation process is betrayed by the absence of humility and the dominance of arrogance in his demeanor, his inability to walk his talk and by his shrewd retaliation at his adversaries in every possible way. The hypocrite is worse than the Pharisees, he shows no change of heart and doesn’t change his ways.
 
Mourning is an essential element in our reconciliation, be it with God or with our fellow humans.
 
Mourning is an expression of deep sorrow over a great loss.
 
We do not only mourn over the loss of a loved one, but to any loss of something very valuable and essential to our lives.
 
We need to mourn over losing the respect and trust of people around us.
 
We need to mourn on losing our own self-respect and dignity.
 
We need to mourn over broken relationships and on losing friends.
 
We need to mourn on electing incompetent, corrupt and irresponsible leaders.
 
We need to mourn over the wanton destruction of our environment.
 
While we may not be causally responsible for the loss of a loved one, yet, we somehow, experience guilt feeling at times; perhaps, for not having done anything or enough for him when it was needed. We mourn over our lack of sensitivity to his needs.
 
All the other losses (psychological, social and environmental) are within our control and may have resulted from our negligence, excesses and other irresponsible acts. It is also within us, to change them for good.
 
A deep-seated mourning is fired with repentance and remorse, a transformative spirit that impels a change of heart – a change of attitude and behavior: a changed person. It is this mourner that is blessed by God, the very one who gains His favor and His comfort (Matthew 5:4).
 
A changed person, who has been reconciled with his brother, strives to strengthen the ties that reconnected them.
 
A changed person works hard to earn back the respect and trust of his neighbors by reforming his ways and by consistently observing the norms and mores of the organization and community where he belongs.
 
A changed person is more discerning in putting people to leadership positions.
 
A changed person must find ways to stop the abuse of the environment and exert efforts to protect, heal and preserve it.
 
A changed person becomes a peacemaker. He may yet gain the favor of God and counts him among His son (Matthew 5:9).
 
(MindaViews is the opinion section of MindaNews. William R. Adan, Ph.D., is retired professor and former chancellor of Mindanao State University at Naawan, Misamis Oriental, Philippines.)